When I started this blog (3 or 6 years ago) the landscape of my life looked different from today. As the world approaches the end of 2016 and faces what will surely be a year of uncertainty, what I have come to realize is that in the time since my blog was born what I was trying to do was identify who I am. In that time I have changed my appearance, changed my mindsets and formed opinions (opinions are something I prefer not having..they are wasteful thoughts that manifest into wasted words), judged others, tried to convince myself that I was/am moving in the right direction and finding inner happiness. As I write this what I am seeing are all of the things I didn't get quite right and that's ok because what I have come to realize is that the reason they weren't right is because the intention behind those things was not right.
Materialistic wanting, wasteful spending, not being as present and mindful as I could or should have been..selfish and self-serving motives...these things will never produce a fruitful harvest for the heart, soul and mind. It isn't that I have done anything criminal or so heinous that I could not recover from, it's more a feeling of having strayed from my path, having allowed myself to become distracted by the very thoughts and feelings that I had identified as barriers to growth and abundance.
I recently lost my beloved Schnauzer, Fritz, who was my teacher and a living, breathing 4-legged litmus test for gauging levels of distraction and mindlessness. Fritz was the first dog I was rescued by, he was so old and rag-tag looking when I first saw his ad on the rescue website: it was love at first sight.
Five months after I was rescued by Fritz, another miniature Schnauzer named Ralphy, decided he too needed to join the effort to save me.
I came to Oklahoma 2 years ago: I did not intend to stay in the Sooner State this long and am planning to leave it at some point in the next year or so. Nothing against Oklahoma, it just isn't the place for me. I am a city dweller...a surfer, artist, musician, culture-loving individual. Oklahoma is just too rural for me: it is also too far away from the surf and the laid-back mentalities that I am used to. I was born in Texas which is kind of like home but California IS home. I love the West Coast...I love the West period.
In these last two years I have moved up at work, my disabilities have worsened significantly but I am doing alright..given the circumstances of still being a bit of a stranger in a strange land. What I have come to realize in these two years is that I was trying to run away from who I thought I was back in California. What else I have come to realize is that you cannot run away from yourself because if you do, guess who you end up running headlong and crashing into? Yeah: YOU. So...in 2017 I will be coming around again...a combination of the older California me and every version of me since then..infused with what I have learned during my journey thus far and slightly salted and seasoned with things to come. Stay tuned..and please read. Thank You from my grateful dog human heart! It is good to be here again.